Mawwage.

Well, I have caught the blogging bug once again. I guess I really started all of this to keep family and friends updated on my life while I was in college. Especially because I spent 50% in Huntsville, 25% in Belton and 25% in Houston. Now that all my time is spent in Houston, there is not much to exactly “update” on. I keep in contact with my friends whom I enjoy spending what little free time I do have, and that’s about it. Therefore, I guess this is now just something for me to vent with. I don’t care if anyone reads it. I just love writing and always have. With that being said, welcome to my newest post :)


“Mawwage. Mawwage is what bwings us together today. Wove, twue wove...So tweasure your woves forever”- Princess Bride

Marriage. The word that when I bring it up, (mainly from older generations) will almost always promise the response of “OMG, you are so young!”, “You have your whole life ahead of you, why do you feel so rushed?!”

The truth is people, I do not feel rushed into it. I mean I don’t even have a boyfriend, nor a potential suitor. So, before I continue I just wanted to throw that out there. It would be different if I had a boyfriend whom I am pushing the topic on, but I don’t nor would I do that.

What I do have an inner battle with is my personal accomplishment checklist. Now, I do not have this written down somewhere of a timeline of when I should succeed at things in life, but it is definitely in my head somewhere. Let me let you in on how I live my life and process things in this brain of mine:

Step 1: I see a goal in my mind.
Step 2: I make a plan to reach this goal.
Step 3: I successfully reach this goal.

There is A TON of mini steps in between these. Most of them consisting of hard work, little “play-time” and all that good stuff. This is how I graduated college in 3 years with an almost 4.0 GPA. I am driven.

Anywho, here I am… I have reached that goal, I have a career in front of me. The next obvious “step” in my mind is mawwage. This is just how I have grown up. I see my parents, grandparents, friend’s parents, co-workers and now even a few of my friends happily married. Naturally, I do not believe divorce is an option unless some sort of abuse is going on. I believe in love, romance, miracles and the magic of it all. I choose to look at the positive aspects. Believe me, I know marriage is not all daisies and roses, but I am willing to put up with the thorns.

In my little mind, I had it all planned out. I would graduate college with my high school or college sweetheart…we would both get jobs and he would propose to me in the most romantic way ever and we will live happily ever after and start our own little family with no white picket fence, because we would want lots of open land! Haha

Welcome to why I am frustrated now. I am used to “getting what I want”. Not because I have it handed to me, but because I work HARD for it. I put every ounce of me into my goals. This is why when I see people just kind of just “floating” through life, I want to encourage them with what I have done and to set goals. I don’t mean go to college. I just mean set a goal and accomplish it.

I digress, my previous goals dealt mainly with me pushing myself. It did not include someone else’s feelings and their life. I realize marriage is not exactly a goal. It has just always been the next step in my mind. Now that I am nowhere near taking that step, I am sort of wondering what’s next? What is my purpose now? What is my role on this Earth?? Haha

Then, I started going to this bible study every Tuesday evening. It really put “my life” in perspective for me. First of all, it is not MY life. My life belongs to Christ. I was put on this Earth to do his work, whatever that may be. I have to let go of MY plans for life. It is in His hands now and I am courageous and willing to be faithful to Him. This is going to be very difficult for me to stop planning because I am such a planner!! I must give everything up to Him. It won’t always be easy and I know I won’t always be happy. That is OK though because my kingdom is not here.

So God, here I am. Use me as you need. Whether it is getting married and having a family or dedicating my life to being a missionary. I was made by God and for God and until I understand that, life will never make sense…

For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord. Plans to prosper and not harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.
Jeremiah 29:11 :)