“I pray because I can't help myself. I pray because I'm helpless. I pray because the need flows out of me all the time- waking and sleeping. It doesn't change God- it changes me.”
― C.S. Lewis
I love that my God never changes. I love that He never moves from me. He is like a lighthouse and I am a ship lost at sea. His light leads me home, pulls me in and shows me the way. When I begin to drift away from Him, He stands still and waits for his wayward child to come back again. No matter what mistakes I make, nor how many times I deny Him, He still says, “You are mine, follow me”. I love this concept.
This concept is what made me realize how I want to live my life. I want to be that person who is there for others. The one who never is more than a phone call away, just like God is no more than a prayer away. I know I cannot be perfect, nor do I want to be. I just want my friends to know that no matter what I am here for them.
Growing up, my parents always told me that I have a really big heart. While that may seem like a good thing, they were worried about me getting hurt. The truth is, I look for the good in people. I trust people until they give me a reason not too, forgive when many won’t and love at all costs. I do this because I refuse to live my life shielded, with a bitter head and heart. I actually believed that everyone lived their life like that. I mean who wouldn’t want to be in an almost constant state of positive energy? Haha
I soon learned that many choose not to live their life as I do. Some call how I live my life is naïve, which I am far from. That is fine, to each their own. I refuse to lower my standards for those who refuse to raise theirs. So I continue with my big heart, full of the glory of God!
I don’t care how long a friend has gone without talking to me, I will pick up right where we left off. No matter if that friendship previously ended in anger or happiness. A great example of this is me and one of my best friends, Kelly. We met at children’s choir at church when we were probably six. Her family moved to a different church and we grew apart. As most 6 year olds do because, well we are 6 and can’t drive or really call each other. Move onto middle school and look who is in my theatre class, KELLY!! Many fond memories are made during this time. (I wrote a full blog about these memories, if you would like to know more). Then, we got into an over dramatic fight (as most middle school fights are) and the friendship ended. Going into high school, I really didn’t talk to her at all. She had a new boyfriend, a new life it seemed. I really wanted to be there for her when I heard from others about her life. I remember we were at a friend’s birthday party and it was just extremely awkward. It is weird going from being at her house every day, to not even knowing anything about her current life. One day when I was waiting for my mom to pick me up from school, I saw her sitting outside as well. I went over to her and we just kind of struck up a random conversation. It was just like we never stopped being friends. Pretty soon, we were caught up on each other’s life. The years in high school flew by and we graduated. We found out that we would be managers together at a local pool. Let me state something right now, Kelly by herself, pretty responsible. Me, by myself, pretty responsible. Us, together, we lose all sense of maturity. She is that friend, that no matter how old we get, I can still act like a complete idiot with. Yet still have deep conversations about life. If you don’t have one of these friends, I suggest you find one ASAP. That whole summer was full of fun and nonsense. I left for college and she stayed near home. We slowly drifted apart, I think it was both of our faults. We both did things to upset the other. So we decided the go our separate ways. She was soon engaged, married and pregnant. I once again found myself wondering how she was doing and hoping she was happy with her new life. I graduated college, moved back home and found myself at Kelly’s house one day. She makes jewelry and I went to go check it out. As always, we picked up right where we left off! I pretty much don’t go a week without seeing her. It is so cool to see someone that you have known since you were six, have their own little family. I love how supportive her husband is of her and what a great dad he is to their daughter. Kelly is such a great mom and wife as well. It is so amazing to have such a true friend. Even more, someone you know who understands you and is a sister in Christ. I know that no matter what happens or how far we will move, we will always be there for each other. Thankfully, I am blessed to not only have her, but a few other friend I could say this about.
To conclude, I want YOU to know that I am here for you and more importantly GOD is here for you! If you have hurt me in the past, I forgive you. For you are only human too. If I have hurt you in the past, please accept my apology. We all sin, we all make mistakes. Life is about forgiving and moving on from the heartache of the past. So, I have a challenge for you this week. Contact an old friend, maybe someone who hurt you, someone you have been meaning call. Let them know that they are loved. Holding onto grudges only hurts you, not them. It only imprisons you, while they walk free. Live life with a really big heart and never look back!