This is me opening up...

So...

I promise that I am not always writing about death. In all honesty Austin has been the only person I have lost that is close to me...until now.

On May 28th, my Papaw went to be with God. His story is more of a celebration of life, rather than mourning of death. He was 93, lived a full and happy life. The day before he passed away he had a lucid moment and told my Mamaw that he loved her and was sorry for everything. The story of their life together is so beautiful. I only hope to have someone who is willing to stick by my side through peaks and valleys. Someone who is my best friend, who will be by my side to my dying day. They had true love, love that is hard to find in the world today.

Since I haven't written since April, A LOT has happened. I have graduated :) I now work at an amazing place, with amazing people and I love what I do. It can't get much better than that. I am close to family and old friends again. Sometimes it is all bittersweet. Especially because Martin and I are no longer together.

I think we both knew it was coming. The distance and some other things were just too much. The hardest part so far is just getting used to not always having him around. It can get lonely at my house when there is no one my age to talk to. Not to mention all of this happen the day after we buried Papaw.

I am not going to lie, I hurt at times. Sometimes it takes everything in me not to break down. I know things could be much worse and I am SO thankful to be blessed with this awesome job. Just in my head, I had this plan for my life and I thought I would be in a certain place by now...but I am not.

In the middle of all of this mess and sadness, I have found something to lean on. Since I have moved home my relationship with God has grown drastically. I love it and feel so full inside when I am talking to Him or worshiping or talking to someone about Him. I know this journey is not going to be easy, but the destination is the ultimate pay off.

So I guess to end this, life is not perfect and right when you have it figured out, it tumbles upside down. This is me now, trying to make sense of everything and where I should go now. Until next time...(and I promise it won't be almost 3 months)

Love y'all!!