Because I trusted you…

Throughout any girl’s life, she will have friends that come and go. Some that grow to be sisters, others that will stab you in the back. I think the worst of this is one, who you thought of as a sister, and really turned out to be far from that.

I trust my friends. I trust them with my insecurities, I trust them with my problems, and I trust them to the point where they could probably ruin my life if they decided to. I only trust a few people this much and I usually think I have pretty good judgment on who gets my trust.

So I trusted you. I trusted you with all my problems. You were the first person I went to when I needed to cry, needed a glass of wine, and needed a laugh. Of course, we had our ups and downs, but this last year, you became someone I knew I wanted in my wedding. They say you go to college to find your bridesmaids, not your groom. Someone I knew I could tell everything to and receive no judgment. Someone who I wanted to work alongside everyday though at times was pure hell. Someone who when I was at my lowest could pull me up. I treasured our friendship. I know I was all this for you too or at least thought I was.

Then I graduated and Martin and I broke up.

I heard from you still, not as much. One can expect this when moving away and starting a new life. I understood.

What I didn’t understand and probably never will is the events that followed after.

I don’t care if others think it is not a big deal. I don’t care if he and I are no longer together. I do not want him. The issue at hand is not that I am still in love with him and I want to make that clear.

The issue is purely based on friendship and sisterhood. I trusted you enough to NEVER question your intentions, mostly because I remember how you BROKE when it happen to you. Even when things got a little fishy, I thought she knows how much I loved him. She was the one I went to when things were falling apart. She was the one I would cry to when things got bad with him and me. It has barely been two months there is no way.

So please, imagine my surprise when I got that text stating what it did.

This time it was my turn to be broken. A thousand million things filled my head at that second and I have slowly been able to get them out these past few days.

Yesterday I finally felt like I had a moment of clarity. I know that life teaches lessons and this one is to appreciate the friends that are true to you. The friends that can be stuck on an island with the one you used to love and not lay a finger on them. I know this is your loss, I know I am a true friend that would have driven up to Huntsville at the drop of a hat if you were hurting. I know this because I considered you one of my sisters. I am sorry you can’t say the same about me.

I am not going to lie; I am still hurting, a lot. I know I will miss you as a friend, but I know I could never make the mistake of trusting you ever again.